Of Fathers and Sons
by vmuzic
Summary: Will had a father, and it wasn't Halt. Will was only borrowed, Halt reminded himself, he is the son of a different man.


Sitting in one of the windows of Castle Redmont near the Baron's quarters, Halt gazed at the bronze Oakleaf pendant a little wistfully as it hung from the chain in his hand. He was to have presented it to Will at the Gathering weeks ago, but had been prevented by Morgaraths' foul mercenaries. It was a small matter, for Will did not need the applause of the Corps to bolster his opinion of himself. Halt smiled inwardly (careful to let no trace of the grin show on his face) as he thought of the last time he had held a bronze Oakleaf in his hand. He remembered Gilan's exuberance and awe at being able to wear the symbol. Trying to picture the upcoming conversation with Will, Halt became keenly aware of a vital difference. Gilan had run straight to his father in order to show off the Ranger insignia. Will had no such father to show pride in his accomplishments.

Even as he thought it, Halt reminded himself that Will did have a father. He remembered looking into Daniels' eyes and promising to see that his child was looked after. _His son_. Daniel had been absent in his life, but he had given to his son everything that made him the man he was. Halt had no idea if Daniel was interminably curious, or if he hated the indoors the way Will did, but Halt knew that even in his final moments, Daniel had had that bounce and cheerfulness that had become so much a part of his world in the form of this sunny apprentice. He couldn't help seeing in his mind the moment he turned to see Will facing the Kilkara. The expression, the motion, had been so similar to Daniel. Will survived, Halt reminded himself. That did not take away the last whisper of the cold fear he felt when history had begun to repeat itself.

He realized a second too late that these were dangerous thoughts, for they opened powerful emotions that he did not want to be exposed to in the company of others. At that moment Halt heard a voice call out to him-Baron Arald. Confused, Halt hoisted himself on his crutch and moved into the Baron's chamber.

When he entered the room Halt saw Rodney already in a seat near the center of the room, the emotions on his face too conflicting for a clear read. Halt lowered himself into a chair, set down his crutch, and waited expectantly. The Baron broke the silence. "Will is a remarkable young man, capable beyond what any of us had imagined." Halt simply nodded at that. The statement was so obvious, it made him nervous. "We want him to be able to reach his dreams Halt, and we want his whole-hearted service." _Whole hearted?_ What was it when the boy routinely put himself in danger to serve others and the kingdom if not that? Halt knew this was going somewhere he wasn't going to like, but was still shocked when the blow was given. "Will is a warrior, Halt. From the first day he saw one, he wanted to be a knight, and it is time the chance be given him." Halt felt like he had been punched in the stomach. "He's too short!" Halt declared, knowing Will would never forgive him if that ever got around. "You'll never be able to train him."

Rodney's face darkened for a moment, then he smiled again, with something akin to understanding. Halt wanted badly to level a nocked arrow at him in that moment. Not shoot him, just point it and startle the understanding smirk off his face. "So little faith in me Halt? I grant you he is not the typical knight, but we will make things work."

"Do I have your word on that?" Halt asked in a tone just shy of a demand. "Do I have your word he will receive whatever private instruction he needs?" "You do." Rodney said simply. "Halt, he is welcome in Battleschool, but the gift is not the placement, it is the choice." Rodney gave a half grin "After all, it's not even likely that…" "I said he could choose." Halt stated with finality, as he stormed out-not even allowing Rodney to finish the sentence. Long ago, Halt had realized that things never go according to plan. If that was the case, Will's becoming a knight would be Halt's plan. Not that he thought this consciously, but once he started, Halt was convinced of the surety of Will's acceptance.

When Halt got back to his suite, Will was there. Bored with the cartography assignment, the young apprentice began to pepper him with questions about his day, and about what they were going to do next. Halt managed to give some answer that was reasonable, if a little more surly than usual. He saw the excitement go out of Will's face, replaced with confusion and a little hurt. _No matter_ Halt thought, staunchly refusing to entertain any hope. The ceremony was set for the next morning, which meant that the feast would go on as planned. Will's year mates were gathered around him, and Halt left to enjoy his diner in silence. There would be no point in smothering the boy now. Best just let him go and not make a production out of it.

Halt's life would certainly be easier without an apprentice. Rangers with apprentices were rarely used on active duty, especially those with beginning apprentices. Halt's situation was a little different, for he was effectively second in command of the Ranger Corps. His close friendship with Crowley notwithstanding, Halts skill in the Ranger Arts was unsurpassed, and matched by Crowley alone. Crowley knew it, and so did King Duncan. Still the volume of missions he would receive in time of war would be severely cut back, because there was Will to consider. Halt told himself he wanted to go back to the way things were. It was not exactly a lie.

The eyes that stared up at him (and what a feeling to have _someone_ in this world look up at him!) were blue, a far cry from his own hazel. Blue eyes were rare in this part of the world, but Will's father had them, as did Will. Many times Halt wished he had come to know Daniel better, but in those few moments of battlefield acquaintance a stranger had given him two of the most precious gifts in his life-the chance to continue living and a boy with that same fire in his eyes. The same willingness to sacrifice…

The next morning rolled around, and the ceremony arrived. Will was late. Again. As always. This youngster could try the patience of a saint-which Halt was not- with his dilly dallying. The mentor had worked non-stop for several hours to get the boy to his own ceremony on time. When the doors opened, Will froze. Halt shoved him in the back, hissing "get on with it" as the boy took a step forward to keep from falling. Halt had to roll his eyes as Will continued to stand there, shifting from side to side. He pushed him again, hoping to give some forward motion. "Get a move on!" he hinted subtly. As Halt ushered Will inside he turned nervous eyes on Halt "Aren't you coming with me?" came the surprised query. "Not invited" Halt said brusquely. "Now get going!" they were late and this had ceased to be cute. After Will went to the front, Halt stayed by the double doors at the back, anxious to leave when the business was complete.

Arald's voice rang out "This is Will. Apprentice to the Ranger Halt of this fiefdom. See him now and know him, all of you. He has proven his fidelity, courage, and initiative to this fief and the kingdom of Araluen." It felt so good to hear Will being claimed as the Ranger Apprentice, even if this was last time. He was close enough to see the confusion on Will's young face as the offer was explained to him, then Halt watched as the realization dawned. He saw Will's face clear, and Halt forced himself to be glad for him.

It wasn't hard, really. He _was_ happy for Will. Arald and Rodney were correct, Will would make a good knight. Well, at least on the battlefield. Halt knew he would be keeping a close eye on Battleschool to see what hell Will would raise. It would be epic. Halt knew he would be laying awake at night, waiting for Rodney's screams as he began to appreciate the full extent of Will's resourcefulness. All of Battleschool would see Will's ingenuity, Halt was sure. And loose some sleep over it. There would be some extra tutoring in weaponry, he knew, but Will's strength _was_ that of resourcefulness. The young boy would bring everything to bear if he were a knight. That the kingdom recognize Will as being valuable and capable was very pleasant, but it was paramount to Halt that Will recognize his own worth. If ever there was a moment for that it was now.

Halt pushed his selfishly breaking heart to one side and determined to bask in the joy of the young man that had become the center of his world in these three short months. As Will reverently stroked the emblem on the shield, an emblem unique to his one-time apprentice, Halt saw what the others had been saying about this being Will's dream.

Now more than ever, Halt focused on the 'plan' that Will must leave now. There was no tie to the cabin in the woods for the boy, Halt reiterated to himself. He was not Will's father. The boy belonged to Daniel. He was happy to have a part of the man in his life, but Will was only borrowed. He smiled within himself as he thought of all the days in the past three months. There were a lot of big events, but it was the day in day out substance of his life that Will had made the most impact on. Rodney and Arald were right, Will was a warrior. The fief, the country, even the world, were fortunate to have the boy, and Halt most of all. Twice he was saved by a man willing to sacrifice everything for him, both the father and the son. Will's young voice pierced the now silent hall:

"I am a Ranger, my Lord."

Halt's heart stopped. He was grateful to Arald for counseling Will of Halt's acceptance that Will could, would, indeed be a knight. Trying futilely to tamp down the surge of hope, Halt strained his ears for the answer. "I thank you for the honor, my lord. I thank the Battlemaster and his knights for their generous offer. But I am a Ranger." Wills face flushed. "I mean no offence by this my lord." He hastily added. Whatever Rodney and Arald said next, he did not hear it. The twice repeated words "I am a Ranger" still rung in his ears. When Will's eyes met his, with a look of surprise, Halt realized that he was smiling. And for once, he didn't care.

Will and Halt had slipped from the castle unnoticed by the others, as Rangers are wont to do. Once they were several meters from the castle Halt stopped the boy and placed the steel chain in his hand bearing the miniature bronze Oakleaf. He found his own pendant and held it for Will to see. "Bronze is the apprentice color" Halt clarified. "Once you finish your learning, you'll receive a silver Oakleaf, like this one. We all wear them in the Ranger Corps. Either silver or bronze." Looking at the pendant again, Halt was humbled that he had this to give to the boy. He knew that if Daniel still existed in any form, he was proud of Will. Halt could not imagine anyone feeling differently. This small boy had proven himself to be a man of extraordinary mettle at only fifteen. The sun was in Halt's eyes at the moment, causing them to water, so he told himself. He looked down but couldn't help the choked quality of his voice when he said "Strictly speaking, you shouldn't receive it until after you've passed your first Assessment. But I doubt anyone will argue about it, the way things turned out." Halt made a mental note to tell Crowley that Will was a member now. Crowley was wise enough to know when not to argue with Halt.

Now it was late afternoon. Halt stood inside the cottage watching as Will absently spun the steel chain around his finger, obviously troubled. There were some things that needed to be talked about. Halt found he didn't mind releasing his student to go back to Battleschool and accept the offer as he had before, if that was what Will wanted. Now that he was sure that he had a place in the boy's heart, he was willing to give him where he was needed, or where he wanted to be. Will deserved the best. Even had he not sworn to Daniel, Halt was ready to give Will what he wanted. That would not stop Halt from missing him if Will chose to leave. Somehow, Halt didn't think he would.

He squatted next to the seated boy. "A big day." He said, addressing the subject. Will merely nodded. "And a big decision you made." This was the point he knew to be troubling the apprentice. The two sat in silence as Halt waited for the boy to open up to him. Finally, he did. "Halt, did I make the right decision?" The anguish in Will's voice tore at Halt a little, but he knew this was better faced sooner rather than later. Halt considered and rejected several answers before deciding that Will deserved straightforward honesty. "As far as I'm concerned, yes. I chose you as an apprentice and I can see all the potential you have in that role. I've even come to almost enjoy having you around and getting under my feet." That statement was to add a little levity, and Halt could see that it had succeeded. But these were not the basis Will needed to make his decision. "But my feelings, my wishes, aren't important in this. The right decision for you is the one you want most." As Halt waited, Will spoke again.

"I always wanted to be a knight." The past tense notwithstanding, there was a yearning in those young eyes that Halt recognized. The conflict there was obvious. "It is possible of course to want two different things at the same time. Then it just becomes a choice of knowing which one you want most." The startled look Will gave him was one Halt had seen often on Gilan's face when the he was younger. How did teenagers always think that no one had ever felt the emotions and struggles they did? Halt dismissed the thought with an inward smile, getting back to the subject at hand.

"If you can sum it up in one thought, what's the main reason you feel a little disappointed that you refused the Baron's offer?" Will's next words would tell Halt what course of action needed to be taken. It was not too late for Will to change his mind, and if he did, Halt would most certainly take him to the castle and help him move to Battleschool before the day was out. "I guess…" Will collected his thoughts, then just said it "I feel that by turning down Battleschool, I'm somehow letting down my father." Halt sat back in surprise. He had no idea that Will held himself so close to an imaginary image of the man he had never met. He also didn't comprehend how Will could think any father would be less than proud. Halt looked up into the other boy's face. "Your father?" he repeated just to make sure. The light was on in Will's eyes once more. "He was a mighty warrior. A knight. He died at Hackham Heath, fighting Wargals-a hero." The conviction surprised Halt a little. "You know all this do you?" Halt asked wryly. He couldn't help finding some humor in the situation, even though he knew his next words were ones that would shape Will's view of himself, perhaps forever. Will glared at him a little. "He was a man any son would be proud of." There was a lot more to the story than Will knew, and Halt was ready to set the record straight.

"That's certainly true." As Will realized the words of his mentor he looked intently at him. "You knew him, Halt? You knew my father?" The pleading hope in Will's eyes cried out to know more, and Halt gave it to him. "Yes, I didn't know him for long, but I think I can say I knew him well. And you're right. You can be extremely proud of him." Will positively glowed with the words he thought he heard. "I knew it! He was a great knight." This was the part of the conversation that Halt would need to be careful of, for Will deserved to not only know the truth, but understand it as well. "A sergeant." Halt stated.

That was a bitter blow for Will. It made him the son of a commoner if his father was a sergeant. Now was the pivotal moment, Halt knew. Halt would never have a more powerful opening to share this with Will. Now was the time to let Will know Daniel as he had. He put an arm around the boy as comfort and safety in the midst of all these revelations. "Don't judge a man's quality by his position in life, Will. Your father, Daniel, was a loyal and brave soldier. He didn't have the opportunity to go to Battleschool because he began life as a farmer. But, if he had, he would have been one of the greatest of knights."

Will interrupted in a dejected voice, but Halt continued, knowing Will did not yet understand. "Because without taking any of the vows or special training knights have, he lived up to the highest ideals of knighthood and chivalry and valor." He retold of being guarded and protected by the dying Daniel, of the courage and sacrifice he had exemplified. Will's voice interrupted his thoughts "And was his friend saved?" "His friend?" Halt was genuinely unsure to whom Will was referring. "The man he protected. Did he survive?" Halt realized Will was picturing the person his father died defending as a longtime friend and confidant of his fathers'. The truth was so much greater. "They weren't friends. Up until that moment he had never laid eyes on the other man." Halt took a breath, then continued with the story. "Nor I on him." Will's eyes widened in shock "_You?"_ The word was barely a whisper "You were the man he saved?" Halt nodded, never taking his eyes off those of his apprentice. "As I said, I only knew him for a few minutes. But he did more for me than any other man before or since."

Again the blue eyes of the long deceased face floated in his mind. He remembered the final plea. Daniel had not even given Halt his own name. Halt had had to question others to learn it before setting off to find the home described in the man's final breath. "As he was dying he told me of his wife, and how she was back on the farm alone, and with a baby due any day. He begged me to look after her." The many failures of that day still weighed heavily on Halt. To first have Daniel die in front of him, then Daniel's wife, those had been tragic blows. The only redeeming quality of the tale was that Will had survived. He may not have saved Daniel's bride, but the son of his own personal savior still lived. More than living, the child was growing into a man that the whole kingdom would one day be anxious to call one of their own. Both Daniel and Will had rushed to his aid, the same expression, the same urgency.

Halt looked into Wills young eyes, allowing him to see the deep sorrow he felt, a mere echo of the experience itself. "I was too late to save your mother" he said softly, remembering. "It was a difficult birth and she died shortly after you were born. But I brought you back here and Baron Arald agreed you should be brought up in the Ward until you were old enough to be my apprentice." Halt had always known he would need to account to Will for this choice, whether or not the boy became a Ranger. At this moment he prayed Will's generous nature would allow him to accept all the choice not to raise him had meant.

Halt did not tell Will that leaving him had been a painful choice. The baby had been healthy, but so small. Looking into that face, everything in him cried out to protect this boy. He had failed the father and the mother, but the baby had lived. At the same time, he knew there was no way he could ever care for an infant. Halt could not conceive being a single parent while remaining an active duty Ranger. Baron Arald was already setting up a ward for war orphans. Halt was confident that Will would be safe and well cared for there. That did not stop Halt from checking up on the child every time he came to the castle, but it was best for all involved if Will grew up away from the Corps.

"But all those years you never…" there was a struggle in those blue eyes as the boy, the young man, tried to make sense of the choices that had determined the course of his life. Now there was a little hurt in them as well. Halt could feel the pleading that he tried to keep out of his voice "Never let on that I had placed you in the ward? No. Think about it, Will. People are strange about Rangers. How would they have reacted to you as you grew up? Wondering what sort of strange creature you were? We decided it would be best if nobody knew of my interest in you." Halt had felt strongly about this at the time and Arald had agreed, but Halt couldn't help hoping with all his heart that Will would understand, nor help the surge of relief when it was apparent he did. But there was one more question in this story to be addressed. There was apprehension in Wills eyes as he asked it "So you took me as an apprentice because of my father?"

Halt shook his head matter of factly "No. I made sure you were looked after because of your father. I chose you because I could see that you had the abilities and the skills that were needed. And you also seem to have some of your father's courage." Halt had given much thought to the boy's future whenever he saw him at Castle Redmont. The honest truth was that he had never considered taking the boy as an apprentice until that day two years ago when he had snuck into the kitchens. The life of a Ranger was not an easy one, and he would not press it upon any person that was not suited, but Will fit the role.

The two watched as the last light of day faded from the sky. Halt found himself reflecting a little on Gilan. He had never done this with his first apprentice. There was no one more dear to him than Gilan, but at the same time Gilan had never looked to Halt to know who he was. It was amazing how right it felt to hold Will as his mind and heart digested all he had learned. Somehow his life felt complete with Will, in a way it never had before. Halt felt that he had honestly fulfilled his promise to Daniel, but long since this had ceased being about the dead man and had become about the irrepressible boy next to him. As the sun drifted below the horizon, Halt stood to go inside. There were tasks that needed his attention, and he sensed that Will needed time alone.

As he stood the young face smiled up at him and Will stated with some conviction "I think my father would be glad I chose the way I did." Halt nodded at that. He knew he would never, could never, be Will's father. No son of his would have this cheery playfulness that Will exuded. No son of his would be this loving, this forgiving of the mistakes of others. No, he could never be Will's father, but as long as he lived, Will would be his son.


End file.
